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Monday, May 05, 2008

Diary of a Jamaican Who Moved to Canada

This is old, but I love it. With all the killings going on I decided to post some humorous things.


Diary of a Jamaican who moved to Canada to escape

November 14th
Started snowing. The first of the season and the first real snow we have ever seen. The wife took buttered buns and we sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift down; clinging to the trees and covering the ground
could never do anything like this in Jamaica. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

November 15th
we woke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a FANTASTIC sight!
Every tree and shrub was covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time and
loved it. I did both our driveway and sidewalk. Later, the city snowplough came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. But the driver smiled and waved and I waved back and shoveled again Canadians are so friendly! Unlike those people who work the corporate area.

November 16th
It snowed an additional twelve inches last night and the temperature has dropped to around four degrees, the cold weather is not so bad, we can take this, not at all as bad as we imagined. Several limbs on the trees and
shrubs have snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards the
snowplough came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now brownish gray.

November 17th
warmed up enough during the day to create some slush, which soon became ice again. Bought snow tyres for both cars. Slipped on my batty in the driveway, paid $130 for the chiropractor, but fortunately nothing broken. More snow and ice expected

November 18th
Still cold. Sold my wife's BMW and bought a 4x4 in order to get to work. Slipped on the guardrail and did considerable damage to the right fender. Had another 15 centimetres of white shit last night. Both vehicles covered
in salt and crud. More shovelling in store for me today. That damn snowplough came by twice yesterday.

November 19th
2 degrees outside! More rahtid snow. Not a tree or shrub in our yawd that hasn’t been damaged. Power was off most of the night. "Blouse and skirt" got mi first heating bill. Tried to keep from freezing to death wid candles and kerosene heater, tipped over and nearly burn the rahtid house down. I managed to put the flames out but suffered second degree burns on my hands and lost all my eyebrows and eyelashes. Car slid on the white
shit on the way to the hospital and was a write-off.

November 20th
Rahtid white ting keeps coming down! I have to put on all the clothes I own just to get to the mailbox. If I ever catch the bitch that drives that rahtid snowplough, I gwine mek him mumma feel it. I think he hides around
the rahtid corner and wait for me to finish shoveling, then comes down the street at about 160km/hr and cover up wi driveway again. Rahtid power still off. The toilit froze and parts of the roof have started to cave in.

November 21st
Twelve more centimeters of rahtid snow and rahtid ice and God knows what other kind of rahtid white shit fell last night. I wounded the rahtid snowplough with the pick, but the driva got away. The wife took off and left me.
The rahtid car won't start and I think I'm going rahtid snow-blind. I can't move my rahtid toes, haven't seen the bomboclaat sun in weeks and there's more rahtid snow predicted. Wind chill is 30 rahtid degrees below rahtid zero!!

November 22nd
Mi a move back to JA cause dis ya place a go kill mi!

1 comment:

Jamaica My Way said...

HAHAHA!!!! A true ting dat!!!

I've read this before too, first time was years ago! And it still makes me laugh. I'm a Canadian living in Canada who travels to JA far too often to love Canada anymore LOL. Winter sucks BAD....I won't sugar coat it.

Thanks for the laugh.